He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I wish i was in the wii world.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Randomize
