Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I hate ducks.
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
honey bunches of taint.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
