i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
