in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Randomize