I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Randomize
