Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
