i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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