How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
