I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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