I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
