Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
