Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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