i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
