im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
