I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
