So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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