so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
