Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize