just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
