that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
