On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Pooping to opera.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
