Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
