he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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