you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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