After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
