Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
