it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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