i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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