my mouth tastes like poor choices
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
