Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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