my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
