I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
