upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
