dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize