I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
