He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
