so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
