Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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