Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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