i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
