So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
