You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
All the doctor said was why
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
