Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize