I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
