so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
And then he peed in my hair
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
