i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
