so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
