I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
