Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
