How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
