I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
