if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize