have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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