I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
