Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
