Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
