I wish I only lived at night.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
