I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
