Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
