If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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