Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
